Nicole Kidman: Tom Cruise Was Not ‘My Great Love’

Kidman and Cruise in 1991

Nicole Kidman's marriage to Tom Cruise seems like ancient history — they tied the knot 23 years ago and split just under a decade later — but the actress, who is now remarried to self-proclaimed "soulmate" Keith Urban, has just revealed some more juicy new tidbits about their time together. "I was so young," the 46-year-old Australian actress said in Vanity Fair's December issue of her marriage to the megastar at the age of 23. "And you know, with no disrespect to what I had with Tom, I've met my great love now. And I really did not know if that was going to happen. I wanted it, but I didn't want it for a while, because I didn't want to jump from one relationship to another. I had a lot of time alone, which was really, really good, because I was a child, really, when I got married. And I needed to grow up."

Kidman met Cruise on the set of 1990's "Days of Thunder" and went on to also co-star with him in "Far and Away" and Eyes Wide Shut." She told the magazine that they endured a tremendous amount of scrutiny while they were together and compared their status — as arguably the most watched celebrity couples of their day — to another famous twosome.

"There is something about that sort of existence that, if you really focus on each other and you're in that bubble, it's very intoxicating, because it's just the two of you," she told the magazine. "And there is only one other person that's going through it. So it brings you very close, and it's deeply romantic. I'm sure Brad and Angelina have that — because there's nobody else that understands it except that person who's sleeping right next to you."

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(Vanity Fair)

While Kidman was filming her Oscar-winning role as Virginia Woolf in 2002's "The Hours," she was going through her divorce from Cruise, who played hardball during the proceedings and ended up raising the couple's two adopted children Bella, 20, and Connor, 18, with whom Kidman is rarely seen in public.

In her interview, Kidman also recalled how shooting Woolf’s suicide scene made her reflect on her own trials. "Walking into the river with those stones in my pockets — I chose life," she said. "At the time, I was at a low point, and by playing her, it put me into a place of appreciating life."

Kidman's comments about her marriage to Cruise have become more forthcoming in recent years. While she once vowed, "I have never discussed the intricacies of it and I never will" and has refused to weigh in on his connection to the Church of Scientology, she has opened up about her inability to conceive a child hurt their marriage ("I've had an ectopic pregnancy, miscarriages and I’ve had fertility treatments," she told Who magazine), feeling inferior to him professionally ("I felt it was my job to put on a beautiful dress and to be seen and not heard," she said to Glamour), and how she suffered severe depression when they split ("It was a shock to my system," she told DuJour).

Now, she sees much to appreciate about her new life with country star Urban, 46. After a few early bumps in the road early in their marriage, during which he sought treatment in rehab, they appear to have a blissful life, raising two young daughters — Sunday and Faith — and living on a farm in Nashville.

"I didn't find what I was looking for in fame. So I went, OK, this is not for me. And it was such a blessing that I found somebody who said, ‘Well, are you willing to move to Tennessee?’ And I was 'Oh, am I willing to move!'" she told Vanity Fair. "Having experienced extreme fame and now getting to a place where it's not so dominating in my life, I'm always surprised when I go somewhere and people know who I am."

Kidman with Urban at the CMT Music Awards in June.

And while she calls her marriage "very, very peaceful," "close," and "tight," she still struggles for the right balance personally and professionally in "giving my life to my lover and my children" and "giving my life to my artistic desires."

"There's an enormous amount you have to give up if you want to have a family. You can have a certain career, but you can't be living in Hollywood, [where] absolutely everything, everything revolves around it. I'd rather revolve around somebody else's career and then still find my own," she said. However, "Because I'm passionate … I want to be able to give completely to both, and that doesn't work always. It's a push-pull … My husband and I are in uncharted territory because we're trying to find artistic expression but also we're incredibly connected as a family — we're very, very tight, very, very close, and I have a very, very primal protection of my family."